Anger and Frustration – part of our natural state? One “Big” way to use it to your advantage


I’ve had some frustrating times recently. And some anger has bubbled up to the surface.

I am not usually in this state or at least have not been for some considerable time.

So not only was I frustrated, at the same time I was rather confused.

What do I do with this anger/frustration? I have pondered this for a couple of days now.

I know the ‘triggers’ for this however they are not normally things that would get to me. Perhaps I am expecting too much of others or of myself? This is something that I will have to work out for myself.

I have come to the conclusion that being angry and/or frustrated is natural. No big surprise there. However trying to suppress this or divert this can lead to increased anger/frustration.

Letting it ‘run it’s course’, letting things cool is I believe, a better way to go. I think venting some steam has its benefits. Clears out the system. Pent up anger or frustration may have catastrophic results, so best to let a bit out to avoid any disasters.

Being frustrated at something/someone is not bad either. If you have values or yardsticks that you want to uphold and you find that someone is coming up short…be frustrated…at least for a little while.

And here is a key. “A little while”. I have just said that being angry and/or frustrated is OK, in fact somewhat “healthy”, however there is a limit.

How have I turned this around?

Any ongoing anger/frustration will become unhealthy in my view. Let off some steam, privately. Source the anger… and then source a healthy alternative to this anger/frustration.

In my case, I replaced my frustration with a ‘bigger picture’. Previously, I was isolating & focusing on the small distractions and therefore making them big distractions.

This lead to increased frustration & flowed onto anger. Reframing this into the bigger scheme of things…..that is, what really matters to me on a larger scale …..watered down the frustration. I saw it for what it was…a minor irritation NOT a major drama.

The bigger picture of my Life has enjoyment, dreams and Big goals beckoning me to achieve. Playing this game of Life won’t be halted by a “scratch on the kneecap”. You put up with the minor irritations. In fact, you hardly notice them at all when your end game is so compelling.

How do you overcome your angry or frustrating times? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Be good to yourselves

David

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21 thoughts on “Anger and Frustration – part of our natural state? One “Big” way to use it to your advantage

  1. Hi David, that’s a really honest blog post. We seem to think that if we’re in the self improvement arena we need to be ‘perfect’ – lead by example and all that. But I think your post shows that leading by example includes being honest. Admitting our foibles and frustrations. Using them as lessons that others can then hopefully learn from or add to. Yesterday I was suffering from irrational anger and found myself very short tempered. Luckily I was working from home and could growl and shout here and there. By the afternoon I realised that I was expecting too much of myself and it was causing unnecessary stress. I did some breathing techniques, went to yoga, and felt a lot calmer. Today is another day. Good advice my friend, here’s to a better day for both of us. 🙂

    • Thanks a lot Stu…we are only human afterall. Finding a way to ‘recover’ from poor positions is the most important, I feel…rather than just letting the ‘poor behaviour’ continue. I appreciate your comment.
      be good to yourself

  2. I’ve been going through some anger because of frustration myself lately. I know I should talk about what is causing this with the person that is frustrating me. However, the person has problems accepting criticism so I feel stuck. Got any suggestions?

    • I think talking and being honest about a situation is the best thing. You are not critisising the person you tell her how you feel about the situation. Start your sentences with “I feel”, not with “you should” – it might work. Ute

    • ‘accepting criticism’ is their problem not yours. Do you want to feel frustrated for ever because of someone else’s issue? Also finding a way to communicate your ‘frustration’ in such a way that it is not ‘criticising’ would be a good way to go.
      be good to yourself

  3. I read as a child that you should not write a letter in total happiness nor in anger, always sleep over it. This is what I do since. I do not get angry very often, probably annoyed with things occasionally but hardly ever really angry. I am a very calm person. If I do, I become very quiet and think about it and do sleep over it. The next morning the situation looks always better and can be resolved. Never say things in anger, as most of the time you will regret it and never promise anytung in total happiness, as you might not be able to keep it. This is my way of dealing with it.

  4. Hi David,

    When frustration or anger hits me, I try and breathe, first and think it through. Writing and exercise help me let go and go to the source of the problem. I’m pretty laid back, but occasionally I do get angry and need to figure out ways to calm down. Thanks for sharing, and glad you were able to turn your situation into a minor irritation.

  5. Hi David,

    Just reading your post felt like I was in a real conversation with you mate.

    I too have been going through some tough times recently and my frustration levels have increased. Some days have been fine. Other days not so. However, I know I’ll get through. I’ve been using the intelligence of the ‘internal watcher’ who quietly observes the havoc the mind tries to create, objectively and this has really been helping.

    I just tried on your idea of considering the ‘bigger picture’ and this has helped too. What I’m experiencing is a minor obstacle on the road to better things.

    Thank you for helping me with this. Cheers.

  6. Anger was something I really had to work on about 5 years ago when I had two teenage boys going through a lot together. I had never been angry really before. So I found a lot of tricks to feel my anger before I talked to them. Changing my reaction is one of the best things I could have done!

    Thanks for these reminders!!

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