Tag Archives: mid-life

Mid Lifer’s Lament…7 questions to turn this around

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You are entering your Mid Life years and begin to wonder where your Life has gone. You may have many regrets. More importantly, you are having difficulty seeing a way forward. You have vague dreams of a future that should be better than what you have now.MidLife3

“How do I start to get my Life in better shape?”

Try these questions and see if they will give you a framework on which to build a Life to be proud of…… Be honest, take the time to absorb each question before moving on to the next.

Am I prepared to do what it takes?…..Well, are you? To move forward, changes will need to be made.

Will doing this now make the difference?…..The short answer is “yes”. One more day of regret is one day too much. There may be too much to lose by procrastinating over any change that you need to make. If you are unsure of the change needed, contact someone who can help you.

Do I Love my Life?…..Remember when life was fun? You may need to fall in love with your Life all over again. Do this and the sparks will begin to fly… new, exciting thoughts and actions will follow.

What will happen if I do nothing?…..more lamenting no doubt. Is this what you really want? Doing nothing means things stay the way that they currently are.

How can I make this better?…..by changing what you are doing currently. If your future seems cloudy, change is essential in order to make it clearer. Again, seek help if you can’t find the answers yourself. It’s often difficult doing this on your own.

What will my children think?…..Indeed. Setting a better example will be rewarding in time. Get passionate about your Life and the rewards will be unimaginable.

Can I still be successful?…..Absolutely you can. You are entering a golden period of MidLife12Life. Many successful people didn’t get started until their forties…you can too.

Are these questions helpful? What other questions do you feel would assist?

Feel free to share your thoughts.

Be good to yourselves

David

Life Coach. Listener. Life Lover.

# In 2013 I will also be at my new site. So please join me for coffee, fresh writings, fresh thoughts and ideas at : www.davidstevenslifecoach.com.au/blog

Life begins after 40…before that it is only practise

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woodcraft: monkey conductor

woodcraft: monkey conductor (Photo credit: Kazutaka NAKANO)

Well…..what do you think about that?

Can it be true that we need to wait until we reach 40 years of age, before we start living …..fully?

Are the previous years just practise?

From my perspective (being over 40, over 50 actually), my first 40 years were very much a ‘practise run’…..

I learned, made mistakes, lost myself, tried to work out what I really wanted to do, had fun.

Since turning 40…..I’ve learned, made mistakes, lost myself, tried to work out what I really wanted to do, had fun.

So, what’s the difference?

Well

  • I’ve learned more, much more
  • I’ve made many more mistakes
  • I actually (eventually) worked out what I really wanted to do
  • I keep having Fun (because that’s what we are supposed to do)

“So what”, you might be saying. The key difference for me, has been that I have been prepared to learn more & make more mistakes. In earlier years, “I knew too much”, my learning curve tailed off… and I saw ‘mistakes’ as just that.

Now I am aware that ‘learning’ never ceases & that ‘mistakes’ are just another way to learn.

My experiences may be similar to some however we do have our own unique Lives. Working out what you want to do with your Life comes early (and easily) to some. I thought that I had it worked out but circumstances changed for me. Others will continue on their path right thru their lives from an early age.

I had a nagging ‘voice’ inside my head and a “pull” to go in other directions. I won’t bore you with the detail however I did find my true calling. In fact, it had been there all along, only hidden from my immediate view.

It gradually revealed itself at the right time…it just took awhile…and it may for you as well…don’t be disheartened, Life can be mysterious. Which brings me back to the “Life begins @ 40″ thing. I mentioned being aware. This took me many years to fully grasp.

And this is the reason why I found “my calling”. Awareness started opening doors. I didn’t have the keys before.

So much happens to us pre 40 that it’s often difficult to have it all soak in…it just happens, whether we know it or not. That was me. Not any more, it’s soaking in now.

Life takes time to Live. We are like maturing wine, getting better as the years roll by. Sure, our earlier years are fantastic. A great experience. We practise lots of stuff. Sometimes we get it right, sometimes we don’t. But that’s OK.

It’s what you do with the “rights” and the “wrongs” that will define you…..it just takes time.

be good to yourselves

David

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You can Design your very own Mid Life years…You have the Power

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If you are aged 40 & over, please read on (others do so at their own risk, but you are welcome anyway).Love your Life

Life is a Journey.

Mid Life is an Adventure.

I’ve said that before and I am proud to say it again.

Join me now for an intimate Mid Life Love fest, just you & me. The adventure is about to begin. I want you to design the best Mid Life that you can imagine.

You deserve it. This is a golden time. Make it count.

Make it last (there’s no end date if you’re having Fun).

I have spoken before about mid-life adventure and also asked questions about mid-life journeys. At the end of the day, I believe it’s all about learning & discovery, having huge amounts of Fun while you are at it And…adding a healthy dose of Purpose.

Here are  a few ‘design ideas’ that you may wish to experiment with to make your Mid Life years stand out.

  • “I have worldly experience to use & to share & to contribute”…..well, what can I design from this? What are my experiences, how can I best use them? I really do have something to offer…my best years are ahead
  • “The questions that have bothered me before are now bringing answers, magically it seems”…..how much more can I learn from further questioning? I can shape my experiences…..and therefore, my Life.
  • “I am developing Greater self awareness…….I have become more aware of who I really am”…..Imagine the potential that I can now release and make use of. I am Me & proud of it. This is My Life to live.
  • “My passion for Life has become more “real”…….I can now taste it, embrace it & touch it”…..the boundaries are being pushed out further & further, my scope is endless. Let me loose, the power is in my hands.
  • “I fit in to my own view of the world”…..the world is my oyster, let’s go harvest a Fun time
  • “Fitness & good health are now top priorities & I can see, feel & enjoy the benefits”…..the Life that I will now be living won’t be interrupted by poor health, the possibilities are endless. I can design anything that I want.
  • “I answer to no one other than myself”…..I make my own ‘design’ rules. I am going to design myself something incredible.
  • “I enjoy my mistakes. Previously I just saw them as ‘mistakes’…….now I know better”…..OK, sometimes I stuff up, maybe a ‘design fault’ here & there. But that’s allright, I’m still learning & that’s part of my journey.
  • “My Imagination has no limits, it often runs wild…….I love it”…..my designs are endless, I can do what I want.

* Admittedly,I am biased.I know that Mid Life is golden.

I also know that it can get away, fast.

* Grab it, hold it, embrace it, feel it, touch it, love it, learn from it…….enjoy it!

What sort of mid life do you wish to design? Don’t be afraid to share.

be good to yourselves

David

# Bonus Read…..from Andrea DeBell “ How to use your imagination to create happiness“

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A new (Mid Life) day dawns

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A New Day dawnsA somewhat poetic piece is offered for critique by the blogging Universe this day. This post is a little contrary to my usual however a “change of pace” is warranted at times.

I guess I was carried away by my feelings and felt it necessary “to let it out”…..

Humour me if you will and/or ‘picture’ yourself and your feelings as a new day dawns for you. As I journey thru my Mid Life years, each day that dawns has added significance for me. I hope that it does for you too, regardless of which stage of Life that you are currently enjoying.

“The sun is shining and the landscape is coming alive before my very eyes.

My senses are stimulated as every fibre of my body reacts to the life around me.

As I breathe in this wonder, my thoughts turn to the joy of the moment and gratitude wells within me. How can negativity exist when so many positives surround me?

Slow down from the rapid pace of life, dwell and absorb the moment

Let time stand still and focus on the quiet inside of you and the serenity that surrounds you.

Then re-awaken & be grateful that you can enjoy this moment and those to follow

You can feel truly alive and your fears, your worries, your missgivings are merely apparitions.”

Be good to yourselves

David

# I would love you to visit my :

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How to get the best value out of your Mid Life & make it work for you

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To play Life at the elite level & enjoy your Life to the full, your ‘game’ needs to be at an elite level. This entails practise & planning regardless at what stage of Life you are in.

In the Mid Life Game, the type of practise will vary & your plans will alter as your game changes from that of earlier years. Nevertheless the “rules” stay the same…..practise & plan.

Sporting analogies aside, the Game of Life is as big as it gets. Having intermediate Goals or plans is wise. Having a longer term Vision for yourself is also wise…..and the time to get that Vision clear  is now drawing closer. This is where a Game Plan can be a valuable resource.

So let’s get cracking!

What one big thing do you want to have achieved by the end of this year? What do you want your Life to be like in say, 10 years?…….so, can you honestly answer these two questions?Life is beautiful

This is just a taster to get your thoughts percolating.

(The questions that you will ask will get more interesting, some examples here. Finding the answers, more intriguing & enjoyable, as you move through your Mid Life)

I have recently repainted my Big Picture and tweaked my Game Plan.

The greatest value that I have gained from this exercise, is the amount of feeling that I have included.

Feeling gets the juices flowing, the spine tingling, the blood flowing…….it adds starch to the mixture and makes your Game Plan come alive. I believe that to achieve any goal, it must include a healthy dose of feeling and meaning otherwise motivation to achieve will wane.

Your Goals when entering your forties may well be different to those in your fifties and sixties(more than likely they will be). This is where you have the opportunity to commence your Game Plan and have it working best for you. Getting in ahead before time catches up & passes you by is a big plus…..and we do want to play it Big this year & every year, don’t we?

Setting yourself down and going through a planning session, at least once per year, is a vital ingredient to having a successful Mid Life…..your Game Plan needs to be ready for action. Note: If you don’t know how or where to start, contact me here.

Ask yourself questions, map out your direction for the coming year. Tip… if you are doing this for the first time, I would suggest that you clarify (or create if you haven’t done so) your long term Vision, so that your plan is in sync with your longer term aims.

Your long term Vision/Big Picture may be your ‘pinnacle’. It’s your ideal picture of your Life in 10,20, 30 years from now. Often, this is where our intermediate goals will come from. It’s like working back from the bigger picture and breaking it down into manageable pieces.

As you get into the rhythm of doing your plan each year, also spend time on reviewing the previous year…..are you on track or does some adjustment need to be made? Are you still in alignment with your longer term Vision? Do you need assistance by the way of professional help, Life Coach, mentor for example?

The beauty of having a Game Plan is just that, you have a plan. It can be as broad or as defined as you want…..flexibility is a great thing. Importantly, it’s a blueprint  to allow you to chart your course through your Mid Life and enjoy your journey toward your Big Picture…..and it can be benchmarked to ensure that you are ‘oncourse’ OR a new course needs to be plotted.

Note: This is the way that I look at my Mid Life. It might not be for everyone. It has helped a number of people who I have worked with however you do need to make your own choices. Whatever you choose to do, enjoy your Mid Life and have a destination in mind while journeying.

I’d love you to share your comments below.

Be good to yourselves

David

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The Peter Pan Effect

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Hello fellow Life Lovers. This came to me in somewhat of a “blinding flash”, so I just had to pour this out & publish it before it escapes my mind.

Cover of 1915 edition of J. M. Barrie's novel,...

Image via Wikipedia

I am busily penning my next blog post on Mid Life Game Plans when the dreaded word “old” reared it’s ugly head.

I’m a Mid Lifer and I don’t want to get “old” or have “old thoughts”. I haven’t yet reached my prime, I have so much to do and so much to share.

Peter Pan then popped into my head……..from nowhere. Now Peter Pan is the boy who didn’t grow up, as I recall. I’m grown up however the concept of having Peter Pan thoughts, attitudes and never ending youthfulness strikes me as something of great merit.

We are as young (or as old) as we think & feel.

If you are feeling a bit old at times, try thinking of Peter Pan and add a hop, skip & jump to your day and your Life.

Be good to yourselves

David

# Find out more about me by visiting my:

  • Fabulous “Virtual Coach” page here where ongoing support and life changing assistance is just a keystroke or two away
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One Mid Life “Rule” that I keep coming back to…..

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If there must be “rules” then I have found this to be the best one to use during my mid life years, please read on & discover what it is…….

I love my “mid life ” years and have written a few posts on this topic. Links to some of these are at the foot of this post if you would like to view/bookmark at your leisure. I have also included this video on some further thoughts of mine regarding this post, hopefully you enjoy…..

When I entered my mid life, I scarcely gave it a thought. Then things started to happen, strange things. I began to question what I was doing, work wise firstly. I began to think about Life more broadly. Maybe my thinking was too narrow to start with. Does this sound familiar?

I had a happy family environment and mostly everything was going along swimmingly…..Life was pretty much “a beach”. However something kept nagging at me…….maybe at you as well?

Your mid life years are to be treasured. They may take some getting used to if “hitting 40″ is a big deal to you but it shouldn’t be. I’m not a great one about worrying about the calendar of Life, they are just numbers after all. However, if reaching 40 does impact upon you and give you a “shakeup” then that’s a good thing, isn’t it?

It’s how you ‘feel’ that matters( not the numbers) And it’s this “feeling” that grows as you move through your mid life years (I won’t use  terms such as “getting older” or “aging”). I can’t quite put my finger on it, I guess it differs for all of us however my “feeling” has been one of wanting to achieve more and that I have untapped capabilities. I also feel fit, healthy and virtually indestructible. So this ‘feeling’ about yourself, your attitude toward yourself & Life will always play a large part in how your Life works out.

Be prepared for more learning…..So, how do I learn?

and this leads me to the No1 thing that I am always coming back to…….

The One Golden Rule and I am not a fan of “rules” however this is a good one to have. Asking Questions,  it get you places, it opens doors and is the gateway to further learning & opportunities. I’ll qualify this….. asking yourself questions gets you places…..& then if you run out of questions, go ask ‘the right people’ to get you even further.

This I believe is so important to understand in our mid life, because our questions change. They are different from our earlier years. So we need to up our skills at questioning or maybe we have lost the art of asking the right questions?….. something to consider?

We may have gotten used to accepting how things are and how we think that they are likely to pan out.

Accepting ‘what is’ and ‘what is likely’ is being less of what you can be

You can continue that way and float through Life or you can exercise your ‘power’ by asking. I see the ‘asking’ as rather like a personal challenge. If I can overcome this challenge, then I am better for it.

So, if you want to thrive in your mid life years, just ask yourself “How can I make this better and even more enjoyable?” …….that question may open the floodgates, keep asking, keep refining your questions and the answers will also get better.

There’s a few questions in the links below that may get your thoughts percolating, if they aren’t already.

Now, who’s up for a question or two?

be good to yourselves

David

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Life Goals…..achieving the big ones, after 40

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This is a post for the directionless souls out there or the curious amongst us, who are entering or are already in, their ‘mid lives’…..

Often men & women entering their 40′s start to reflect on what they have achieved in life, where their life has “gone” and/or what they are going to do with the rest of their lives.  “Is there something else?”, ”have I done enough?” is a common call from those who are unsure in which direction to head or are feeling “stale” with their current life situations.

The thought that half your Life has gone is scary. The thought that the next half of your Life is around the corner & you have no plans to live it, is even more scarier!

Stuck in a “place” you don’t want to be, spinning your wheels is no fun. You need to gain some traction then plot your path forward.

You are heading in to or are already in, the next phase of your life. Establishing goals for it may seem daunting, especially if you have had no previous exposure to Goal Setting or have resisted it in the past. No doubt, the rest of your Life will want to be filled with meaning. The greater the meaning, the greater the motivation to achieve it. That “meaning” will take whatever form you choose, so choose carefully.

The effort to determine your “meaning” is worth it!….. This is the time to get it right. Getting started is the hardest part however once you have, ‘the flow’ will commence.

Meaning.……

What do you imagine the rest of your Life looking like? What do you want to achieve…..personally, professionally, family wise? Are their tangible ‘shiny’ things that you want? Is it better health, fitness? Is it spiritual? Philanthropic? Educational? Fun (I hope so)?

There’s also  21 Self Discovery Questions here if you would like to consider further choices.

Whatever your ‘big things’ are, they must have this deep meaning for you, to be achievable…..and make them BIG, I mean HUGE, don’t hold back, deep, deep meaningful big things/joys.

Making the time to think about them is a great start, make the time!…..then make the time to put a plan in place.

Age 40 & beyond is a wonderful place to be. It is the time to make your impact, make your own personal mark on the world. This is not a time for regret but it is a time for action. Not action that will wear you down but action that will rejuvenate your soul, make you stand tall & claim your rightful “place”.

Well…..

What’s really important to you now, the next 5,10,20 years? How will you make your mark, claim your place?…..Time will not wait for you, make the most of your time, now…..what are you waiting for?

Be good to yourselves

David

# In 2013 I will also be at my new site. So please join me for coffee, fresh writings, fresh thoughts and ideas at : www.davidstevenslifecoach.com.au

p.s  Feel free to view & “like” my Facebook page over there, if you like

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11 Reasons to look beyond 40 and say….. ”bring it on”

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I turned 40 a while back now.  Doesn’t seem that long ago…….I guess time does fly when you’re having FUN.

And the FUN continues past 40….. I would argue that there is more of it!

It is a vital ingredient. When you are happy, you are living.

Here are a few statements that I have found to be true for me. I believe they may also give you reason to “fully live” 40 & beyond…….if you’re up for it(and why wouldn’t you be?).

These years will be or maybe already are, your greatest opportunity to share, develop, love your Life.

  • The grass does get greener….. you have runs on the board,(life experience, for better or worse) the bases are loaded(for my American friends), time for a knockout & set yourself up for Life
  • You are further developing your “explorer instinct”. You’ve explored plenty so far, why not continue, there’s gold to be found
  • “Giving up” is a term that shouldn’t sit well with you. e.g,  Dara Torres won 2 Olympic Silver medals @ age 41 swimming against competitors half her age. “Old” Cliff Young won the inaugral Sydney to Melbourne footrace , about 600 miles, at the age of 61. No one told him that he was ‘too old’. Maybe his 20 something girlfriend had an influence as well? I took up Fun Runs @ age 41, as well as training 3 times per week with a group of runners most in their teens. I didn’t win any medals however improved my personal bests and fitness a gazillion times over……I didn’t give up.
  • Your Passion for Life continues to develop & overides the alternative…(you’re dead a long time) by a country mile……don’t be just a statistic, be a contributor to Life.  My father passed away when I was 42, this drove home the mortality thing. He was a great contributor however left us way too early.
  • “40″+ are only  numbers after all.  It’s not about the “number”, it’s about you.
  • The questions that have bothered you before will now start to bring answers…….magically it seems. Ask more questions…….you will receive more answers, keep asking, the Universe is at your mercy.
  • Your children need you to grow, so that they can grow…..there’s are great lesson for the parents. I wanted my children to be fully ‘aware’ of Life, learn, make decisions/mistakes. Therefore, I had to experience more of this…..I became more ‘aware’ AND I wanted more.
  • You will now realise that you create your world, whereas before you may have felt ‘out of place’ in the world. Create your best Life, there’s still plenty of time and there’s a lot of FUN in doing it.
  • Fitness & good health are now top priorities. You can now be fitter & healthier than before. I aim to be as fit @ 70 as I was @ 40……there, I’ve said it now & committed to it in writing for all the Universe to see. 
  • The “mistakes” made in earlier years will now bring rewards in your mid life years….worth the wait. It’s a learning curve after all, this Life. I’ve made plenty & will make more however the rewards are coming from the lessons learned in ‘earlier mistakes’.
  • My Imagination, I found started to multiply. I started to use it much more frequently. It has no limits, it often runs wild…….I love it! AND you can too. Tap in, you will be rewarded beyond your wildest dreams.

These are my experiences. You no doubt will have different ones. You may have some similar ones. I would love you to share by commenting in the space provided. Live life to the max and until next time…….

be good to yourselves

David

p.s  Feel free to view & “like” my Facebook page over there, if you like

check out my new Virtual Coach page here

I also hang out @ www.davidstevenslifecoach.com.au

What’s your excuse (for not living your Prime Time)?

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Grafitti with social statement

A friend of mine was very comfortable with the way things had been, until recently. He was overlooked for a promotion, the organisation was looking for someone with a different attitude. “I am now in my 40′s, (the beginning of prime time), I’ve done the hard yards, I think I’ll just ‘coast’ to the finishing line”…….What!?

You have an amazing opportunity at Life right now & for many years to come. Don’t give up, things/circumstances do change, I say… ” That’s the problem, I don’t like change. I’m fine with how things are now”, says my friend.

Is this how you react when things don’t go the way that you would like or don’t stay the same? 

Do you have a “reflex” action … a fail safe, a one size fits all type of response?………

In other words, an Excuse.

No matter what stage of Life you are in, excuses should not be allowed into your Life.

Excusing yourself from living Life to your full potential can have dire consequences.

However you can recover your situation by just letting go of your excuses.

Do these sound familiar?

What’s your excuse for;

    • not setting goals to  ‘set up your Life’
    • ignoring your life long learning discipline
    • giving up when the going gets a bit tough
    • procrastinating rather than deciding
    • not looking after your health
    • not smiling more
    • being a follower rather than a leader
    • ‘sitting on the sidelines’ instead of taking action
    • not embracing each & every day with a “helloooo world”
    • not taking responsibility
    • Blaming others for your issues
    • not saying ‘thank you’…..for what you have
    • being platonic rather than loving
    • being negative instead of positive

Excuses come in many forms however they often start with our thinking(or lack thereof) via our (lack of suitable) Belief Systems. Some may be expressed verbally as follows ;

Commonly -  “it’s too hard” , “I can’t do that”, I don’t have the skills”. “I am not lucky”, “I am too busy…”, “it’s someone else’s problem”, “I couldn’t be bothered”………I think you get the picture.

Many of our Beliefs may be tired, worn out or simply don’t suit current events -  if your beliefs do not serve you then change them! OR at the very least, review them. The points that I raised above are just a sample of the many ‘life excuses’ that exist…..you know the ones! These excuses serve as warning bulletins that our Belief systems are in need of a shakeup and/or we need to get our thought processes in order.

Is there really any valid excuse for not being able to ‘deliver’ on these points? i.e turn them around.  What is really stopping you?… It’s your Life & you have the power to live a great Life, not one full of excuses.

Be a friend to yourself, don’t throw your primetime away.   n.b ‘Primetime’ can be any stage of Life, I’ve used the mid life years as an example(a very good one).

Get moving, get rid of the excuses, take ownership & responsibility for your life & be a better person to those around you & most importantly, to yourself.

Be good to yourselves

David

p.s feel free to view & “like’ my Facebook page over there, if you like

check out my new Virtual Coach pagehere

I also hang out @ www.davidstevenslifecoach.com.au

*Image courtesy of Angie Schwendemann

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